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Working Hard for the Money

May 17, 2010

Never thought it would be so hard to work again. After staying home with little one for a year its extremely difficult to leave the house every day but then again its exciting. I feel guilty and feel relieved at the same time somehow. I hate missing out on even a second of Gabby’s life but yet I relish in the freedom and control I have for several hours during the day. Guilty and Free at the same time sucks. Like really sucks. I like to make my own money and pay off the massive amounts of student collected debt I have. I like the fact that I get to have my own money that I made and worked hard for and not have to rely on Daddy’s money. I don’t want to be in the traditional roles of mother and father and wife and husband. That doesn’t appeal to me very much. I like being my own person and making my own decisions. Yeah I do want to get married but I want to make sure about who I’m with and who I am first. And it doesn’t bother me to much that my boyfriend sucks sometimes and does the wrong thing. I do the wrong thing on a daily basis I make bad decisions on a daily basis, I’m just as human as anyone else. I think its o.k for me to be picky about what my daughter wears, I let her explore her environment and if she eats a little dirt and an occasional leave she’s fine, about the fact that I would like to change to cloth diapers, that I recycle and compost everything I can,  and that I am now a working mother.

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